BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

                                                BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

I am extremely glad that the vote went against David Cameron in the House of Commons with regard to the Syrian situation.   I think everybody is slightly wary after the weapons of mass destruction debacle in Iraq a few years ago.  The effects of not getting your facts right have resonated for longer than the Americans would like.   I cannot understand why Mr. Cameron decided to have a vote before the results of the findings of the team seeking the origins of chemical warfare.

 Even if  the Assad regime is responsible, is it really down to an independent country, ie the USA, to use military strikes, however limited and  however free of footfall on the ground.   The whole concept seems to be a little loose to those trying to understand exactly what their limited strike actually means.   And you do have to be careful of what you wish for, because the outcome could be exactly the same as Iraq, Egypt and I have no doubt, Afghanistan, once allied forces have left the country.   Chaos, factions and a clear lack of leadership will be even more endemic in Syria and a great helping hand will have been given to Muslim extremists.   However awful war is, I really do think it is down to them to sort it out and I have to say, whatever everyone may think of Mr. Assad, you never see him without a tie!  And that counts quite heavily for us in Surrey .....

BACK ON BOARD

                                                                     BACK ON BOARD

The reason there has been no space to watch over the previous month has been down to two situations .  One was the complete demise of our PC, which got to the point where, having asked it to print at 4 pm, just one letter I'm talking about, it would then print at 4 o'clock in the morning.   My son-in-law, who is an avid supporter of AppleMac, told me that  what we needed to purchase was  an IMac.  The thought of visiting a computer shop fills me with dread, especially when the only AppleMac shop around is in Basingstoke - double dread!   I'm not good with shopping centres or shopping.

The other problem was that our physical location, ie beautiful downtown Ash Vale, is at the end of the cable run from the Aldershot exchange.   This means that our Broadband suffers continuously and whereas one would normally be able to type this in seconds, to get this far would have taken several days!   Many phone calls to India and two weeks of frustration later  I received a phone call from an extremely pleasant chap in Newcastle who had been advised that I was not a happy bunny and had noted that our computer had actually failed on no less than 500+ times in two  weeks.   Another engineer was sent and two days later a new hub arrived.   For those interested, it's a type 4 and is replacing our aged type 2.   Now I wasn't even aware that we had a type 2 or that it was ageing.

What impressed me was the fact that the extremely pleasant Georgie gave me an ex-directory number with my very own pin number in which to tap into their immediate service, without going via any sub-continent and an accent,  which to be fair,  was slightly more easy to understand than the Geordie!

So, all has come at once - armed with a PC that may not be working, but with Broadband that is, I made haste and good speed to Basingstoke shopping centre, where I managed to locate the AppleMac store.  There were tables with computers everywhere.   I eased my way past the excited throng of adults and children to the counter at the end of the store, which informed me that it was the "Genius Bar".  A young man who looked barely over the age of consent smiled and said, "Good morning, you look bewildered".  I told him that he was looking at the greatest fish which would ever be out of water.   I told him I wished to purchase an IMac, the only option according to my son-in-law, was whether I bought a 21" or 27" screen.  Very politely and  efficiently he escorted me to a table displaying both options and within a minute the sales rep appeared and for once, it was a pleasure not to be sold something I didn't want, but to be  informed what it did, which was basically to be turned on and work!   I must have made the quickest purchase they have ever had as I deduced that the 21" was the right screen size for me.   I am now minus £1100.   I made my way back home and the following day Tim, my son-in-law, came round and connected the new computer.   Hence why my wife has been able to type this in record time and get it posted before I leave to take a brewery tour at the Hog's Back  Brewery.

Tomorrow morning, the first of the month, I look forward to being able to contribute regular musings and jottings with the newly acquired toy and just hope BT is good to its word and that the type 4 hub will continue to give years of good service as will my wife at the keyboard!

WHAT HAVE BRUNEL AND McADAM IN COMMON?

                                WHAT HAVE BRUNEL AND McADAM IN COMMON?

I tell you what they have in common - they'd both be turning in their graves if they knew just how long the roadworks on the M25 were taking between Junctions 5 and 6.   They appear to be replacing the central barriers that separate north and south, or in that part of the world, east and west.    I have to travel that section quite frequently and the number of accidents that one finds oneself behind, the queues of which are hideously long and up to an hour to get through.   And what do you witness from your driver's window as you sit patiently, because that is what an Englishman does?  I tell you what you see.   Bugger all going on.  There's white cars with flashing lights, there are various high viz jackets with hard hats talking, but precious little work being done.   Are they on piece work?   Or is the contract spread out over so long a period so as to incur no penalty charges.   I cannot believe that the Victorians wouldn't have had this one sussed and repaired within an extremely short time span.   When you think that the Great Western Railway changed hundreds of miles of broad gauge track to standard gauge over one weekend it makes you extremely depressed at the lack of progress we've made since those great innovators of engineering were around.

WHY CAN'T MY COMPUTER BE NORMAL?

                                          WHY CAN'T MY COMPUTER BE NORMAL?

We're going to have to do something about this computer.   It is now taking up to 20 minutes just for the cursor to react to a command from yours truly - well, not actually yours truly as my wife is typing this.  As you know, I am completely computer illiterate, so I dictate from the sidelines whilst my wife types, but as she says, you've been dictating for the last 40 years, so why stop now!   Even as she is typing this a box keeps appearing in the corner and the cursor springs to life in top left-hand side of the screen and you have to close the box before you can return to what you are doing - why?

The other day I asked it to print a letter, nothing complicated, just a letter.   This action should have taken (sorry, just had to stop to delete a previous e-mail  we have just sent which suddenly appeared in this sentence!) place immediately at 4.15 pm.   Despite making grunting noises and lulling me into a false sense of security that something was actually going to happen, nothing was forthcoming in the printer tray.  At 2 am I was awoken to the sound of the printer bursting into life and going through the machinations of my one letter, plus 20 forms I had asked it to print the day before!

I wasn't aware that computers were dyslexic either.   On Thursday of last week I had to travel to Aldington in Kent, so I typed in - or rather my wife typed in - Aldington Village Hall, Kent.   It came up with Adlington Village Hall.   Yes, our spelling was right, but its interpretation wasn't.   The problem is that nowadays I don't know what to replace it with as you can't trust anyone at PCWorld or at Curry's not to sell you a machine they get the greatest commission on.   If I sound cynical it's just that I live in England and expect poor service.

WINIFRED ROBINSON

                                                             WINIFRED ROBINSON

For those officiandos of that flagship broadcasting station Radio 4, I wonder how other listeners respond to the delightful intonations of the presenter Winifred Robinson.   I listen to her on "You and Yours" during the week as I travel around the south-east of England and there's something about her voice that really captivates me.   There is a dream-like quality which emanates from her voice and even the fact that she pronounces  the word "says" as "saze" is completely forgiven.   In fact, I have sat parked in a layby having munched my lunch and been totally consumed, to the point of being comatose.   I am of the opinion that  no-one need attend relaxation or stress busting classes - just listen from 12 noon to 1 pm on the days she presents, and the world will seem a much softer, peaceful and ethereal place.

COMMON IS AS COMMON DOES

                                                    COMMON IS AS COMMON DOES

I was just departing from a talk I gave  yesterday on the Surrey/SW London border and I happened to stop behind a car at a roundabout.   It was one of the very early Mondeos, more of a blancmange mould than a car.   Not only did it sport a personalised number plate, but it also had a slogan on the offside rear bumper, which read "I'm driving fast cos I need a poo!"   Can you imagine anyone in their wildest dreams having that on the rear bumper?   It was interesting to note that on the two occasions he turned left in front of me, there was no sign of an indicator being used.   As you know, in my book, if you have money to spend on a personalised plate then you should give it to a donkey sanctuary.  I t beggars belief that anyone could derive pleasure from having a number plate on their car just to say "look at me".   The most dreadful and heinous part of this whole encounter was that there was a total lack of an apostrophe in front of the abbreviation "cos".  I just hope that the driver stayed within the south London side of the Surrey border.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE

                                                                 IT'S BEEN A WHILE

My apologies for not having scribed recently but we've been busy clearing out my mother's house and getting it prepared for rental.  With a house that looks the same now as it did in 1981 when it was built, except slightly tired, there was quite a bit to do and it's surprising how one thing leads to another.   We were just going to decorate until we walked into the kitchen and realised that the lino really did need replacing before one could let it out.   We then looked at the brushed orange cupboards on the wall and realised that brushed orange is not a colour to attract a tenant.   So the cupboards have to go, along with the worktop and the base units.   You then realise that, in fact, it's easier just to completely gut the kitchen and instal new units, along with an oven, fridge and freezer.   Thankfully the boiler is only 2 years old, so that shouldn't need replacing - yet.   Fortunately, the bathroom isn't in avocado, though dusty pink it is still very eighties but at least it's clean.   My parents had carpet in the bathroom so that needs replacing.  The rest only need cleaning.   Being a landlord for the first time in my life, I also need to get an electrical somebody and a gas somebody to check over the systems and give me a certificate confirming that I haven't failed any EU dictat or extended British version.   So we look forward to that.   It's a bit like going into the Post Office as one used to do, with all your paperwork to enable you to re-tax the car.   It was always such a challenge remembering everything and such joy when they accepted your cheque and handed over your new disc.   But that was when we had Post Offices.

The other reason, of course, why I haven't been typing too much is that the computer has been buggered for the last few weeks.   It now appears to be only semi-buggered.   It seems to do what it wants to when it wants to and not what you want it to, when you want it to.   I've come to the conclusion that my computer is female.   Coincidentally, my wife, who is as always typing this, has come to the conclusion that it is male for exactly the same reasons!